On Finding Real Love

“I'm looking for love. Real love.

Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming,

can't-live-without-each-other love…”

(Carrie Bradshaw; "Sex in the City", HBO)

I watched “Sex in the City” every Sunday night during its run on HBO only to have this timely and poignant line escape me until recently. To analyze the psychology behind this quote flying over my head with the thrust and turbulence of a 757 accomplishes precious little. The quote stands before me now, awaiting both my acknowledgement and call to action. 

2011 will go down as the year that I tried to find, define, shape and compartmentalize “love”. Thanks to the objectivist’s musings of Ayn Rand, I have a definition of love that satisfies my intellect. Offerings from Eckhart Tolle and Dr. Wayne Dyer, helped me to see the roles, past and present that I play in the successes and failures of what is considered a game by many; an idea in which conceptually I take quite seriously.

 

As a new year begins, I move forward, having arrived at two important realizations:

1)   “Love”, like the Creator, is not lost; it is and lives in infinity. It is ever-present and requires no pursuit or discovery;

2)   As an offspring of the Universe, I am the “Love” that I seek: I am the love of my life.

Within this heightened level of consciousness, my challenge is to truly be the “Love” which is the core of my essence; my spiritual DNA, if you will; an undertaking that requires an awareness that is easily lost in a world gripped by fear, careless perception and its own agendas, intended and otherwise.

This occasion of continuance finds me better than I once was and promises that I am all that the Universe intends me to be. 

I am all that I ever wanted; Love…real love.

Selah,

Camille 

The Sway of My Voice

Over the past year I have given time and geography their liberty with certain matters of my heart. Both have served me well. The doubt and skepticism that once anchored my being have given way to a fresh perspective and a determination not to allow the past to have any more power than I have already surrendered. In fact, the past and the persons who once occupied that space of former time hold no power whatsoever.

Neither magic nor volition unraveled the defensive web that once spun around my heart. On the contrary, it is what I like to refer to as “my quiet cooperation with the Universe” that charts my present course; illuminating a pathway which promises me the gift of my deepest desires; to love and to be loved in the manner in which I am most deserving.

This time last year I was negotiating with the Creator with my lists, prayers and affirmations. Not anymore. I have learned the power of a simple whisper into the ear of the Universe, the value of waiting in confident silence; moving in an abundance of confidence; and watching with eternal gratitude the manifestation of my desires.

My constant challenge is to make certain that the desires of my heart are constantly aligned with the sway of my voice. It should be your challenge as well; so that when you tell the Universe that you want love and wealth, abhorrence and poverty are not inadvertently invited in; when you request health and creativity, your voice does not mistakenly petition illness and lack of originality; and when vision and intellect require consideration; your life is not contradicted by the imprudent visor of thoughtless expression.

Later this month, I will close the door on my 47^th year of existence and open the door to the 48^th.  I will enter another year with immeasurable gratitude and fully aware of the range and sway of my own voice. It will be a great 48; filled with the promise of love and prosperity; inspiration and well-being; as well as revelation and understanding. Because I say so.

Selah.

Camille

Passion Speak

I fear that “passion” may one day be reduced to a common emotion, much the same way that “love” has been in some instances relegated to a place absent of its most mystical meaning.

People describe their “passion” for one thing or another, as a matter of routine these days; as if having an emblazoned desire for their purpose is the latest fad.

Most disheartening, I think, is that most of the talk about passion is just talk. Whether on my daily trek to my office or in casual conversation, people are talking, and very few are taking action. The excuses for not acting on ideas, utilizing talents or maximizing opportunities laying in wait are compelling, mundane and many times without sufficient merit.

My decision to follow my passions (writing and teaching) was thoughtful, enthused and tenacious. But most important, it was absolutely necessary. I am responsible for my happiness, and I owe the Creator the recompense of my talent, creativity and intellect. Every sentence that I fashion; every poem that I compose; and every book that is realized by my hand is an offering. It is my honor to present them to the audience of Universe.

I am hopeful for the “passion of passion”; that its meaning and truth are never bent beyond recognition. I promise to do my part to retain passion’s mystery; and to let love have its way; to not be complicit in their demise in my world. I invite you to do the same.

Selah,

Camille

Light as a Feather

The morning walk to my office is festooned with the eclectic leftovers of the previous night: homeless men and women still sleeping; booted and ticketed automobiles waiting on owners or tow trucks; bicycled, segwayed and equestrian members of local law enforcement; a muddle of condom wrappers, lost lingerie, and containers that once held assorted spirits. Among these trappings I routinely come across an array of feathers, mostly from the pigeons that boldly walk these downtown streets competing with human hunger for sustenance.

Their charming, morning-grey plumes are castoffs of biological necessity. That the separation from their avian proprietor carries the pain of amputation, lightens the load required for flight or goes completely unnoticed is a mystery to me. But as I bend to add a captivating quill or two to my bookmark collection, I remember those things that I have discarded or abandoned: by accident or necessity; excruciatingly or without a fight; fully aware or otherwise. And I wonder if there are spectators, whether gauche or enthused, stooping to retrieve whatever I may have left behind.

I have relinquished unsubstantiated judgment and abject suspicion for the serenity of “it is what it is”. This keeps me out of nests of anxiety constructed by impractical acts that are based on raw emotion.

I am working to relegate emotion to her proper place in my psyche, particularly as it relates to matters involving the opposite sex. I am no longer easily riled or surprised by the relationship components of human interaction.

I am resigned to the inconsequence of the opinions of others. It has been said that “what people think of you is none of your business”; there is peace in this assertion.

I understand that Love is my choice; and a reflection of what I think of myself. I will love in the language required and reciprocity is non-negotiable: I insist on being loved in the manner I require.

I know that I own my self-esteem and self-preservation. No one can or should be responsible for my happiness; it is my sole responsibility. I must be selfish enough to fashion my own contentment and pleasure.

I have learned to reject and return compartmentalization. I do not answer to or live in the expectations of traditional or stereotypical assignment. If anyone attempts to label me, I am swift to peel and remove the layers of false identification, placing them squarely back into the hands or at the feet of the accuser.

I am joyful! Joy…Full! Whether enjoying the calm before a storm, or dancing around the winds of temporary adversity, I choose to remember and celebrate the things for which I am truly grateful; people and possessions too numerous and personal to record at the present.

As you move in cooperation with the creator and this great universe, welcome the manifest shedding of your “plumage” and rejoice in the fruition of renewed productivity and prosperity, and improved mental and spiritual well-being.

Selah,

Camille

A Deserving Inventory: Reclaiming Worthiness

I am a firm believer that every occupant of the planet deserves the very best that this life has to offer. Yet more often than not, I meet people who paint their worthiness with a broad brush of self-effacement, relegating their desire for love and prosperity to words spoken in abject sarcasm.

What gives you the right to assume that your Creator predestined you for something less than the best? Who are you to deny yourself a preeminent place in your own life, consigning yourself to misplaced insufficiency and humility? Who told you that you were, “not enough”?

I have found that anyone who suffers from even the slightest of esteem issues can trace their journey towards internal paucity to a moment in the early years of their development when they experienced the imposition of personal scarcity; when they were either told, or led to believe (or both) that they were simply, “not enough”.

           

Deprogramming the intrusion of a poor self image is one of many plotted points on the map of enlightenment. It is a necessary transfer of personal power in which the aggregate is emotional emancipation, cerebral clarity and the ability to charts one’s place and purpose in this life.

Affirmations of optimism must be appropriated to your psycho-social and spiritual inventories. Your internal dialogue must prevail upon all of the past channels of negative internal communication, providing the appropriate exchange for all of the insufficiency ever spoken to and over your being.

It begins and ends with staring down the voice of “not enough”; rewriting a life script that becomes the “aide memoire”; a constant reminder that you are worthy of love and prosperity and any other good to which you aspire. It also requires treating yourself better than you ever thought deserving or appropriate; the opinion of the rest of world be damned.

Selah,

Camille

Detachment: Paving Enlightenment's Path

I realize that the journey to where I am both personally and professionally has been a gentle coaxing into the realm of detachment. This is not to say that I have entered a sphere of not “giving a damn”. This is a mandate of surrender that calls on all souls navigating their road to enlightenment in order to reduce and ultimately eliminate our human tendencies toward hanging and clinging.

Whether an item, a person or a concept, spiritual illumination requires the serenity of surrender…to allow all of creation to simply “be”.

I would be remiss in leading anyone to believe that this is an easy undertaking; it is not. But as a witness to the process, I find that my choice to detach from the attention my ego demands has produced copious amounts of peace within me and without.

It is also important to understand that neither detachment nor surrender suggests that we are exorcized of all compassion. Quite the contrary. By our release of a thought, idea or person, compassion becomes a vivid display. It is an act that relieves the chokehold that is imposed upon your surroundings. You still care; and subsequently you make room for the type of love that is neither emotionally compelled nor ego driven. It is the manner of resolve to which we should aspire. If you are willing to view the process through the lens of salvation, you will understand this process as a gentle and naturally selective undertaking.

You must take great care, however, to avoid “re-attachment” once you perceive yourself to be a master of this spiritual experience. The euphoria of your newfound freedom may consume you. You will want to tell others; and you will want it for them more than they want it for themselves. Therein lay the trap. Your well-intentioned enlightenment proselytizing will relegate you to the original battle with your ego and all of its demands.

It is the act of detachment that has helped me to understand the place and purpose I have in the lives of certain people within my circle. While the act of surrender in certain relationships has been painful, Peace is faithful to greet me with her love and grace on the other side of any disappointment.

Milestones

A few notable life markers are paving a crossroad I see emerging over the horizon that is my life. Later this year, a birthday celebration will coax me closer to 50. I will celebrate my 30-year high school reunion as well as my son’s 30^th birthday.  And by all indications, my son will soon marry the woman who has captured his heart, and with that I will welcome her and her son, my first grandchild.

These milestones are the constructs of the shift that I have been expecting; the reason I surrendered to the glue that has securely fastened any meaningful progression in my personal life to the walls of the ardent success that I am currently experiencing professionally.  I have lamented to close friends that in the not so distant past my personal life has been in limbo; namely because I rely too heavily upon the actions of others. These days I see the balance of my personal and professional lives bending around its final corner.

To that end, I have some work to do. The paths of my crossroad possess certain equities; they are surfaced in love and in the willingness to do the work that love requires. The work and desire are superimposed across each splinter, fissure and fracture that have been the companions of my heart.  Now I must determine which manner of love being presented is concrete; set in what I require, not what someone else thinks I should have. Just because someone is presenting their best love effort does not mean that it is the best love for me. 

I will not settle for love for the sake of being loved. I insist on being loved my way and conversely, loving in the manner that speaks to the heart of my lover.

The light of my cooperation with this process will expose otherwise cleverly concealed ill intentions. And I will respond accordingly, without hesitation or regret.

Selah.

Camille