Tuesday, June 28, 2011


A friend of mine recently issued an ultimatum to her boyfriend of three years; that he marry her or leave. Apparently the need for proof of commitment and the constant ticking of a biological clock are formidable adversaries on the path to enlightenment. By invoking a demand and a deadline she gave fear a personal invitation to wreak havoc in her life. And she, like many others, has fallen for a universally accepted ruse: that “timing is everything”.

This cliché has been allowed more influence on the human condition that it deserves. That we must make decisions based on the alignment of  certain numerical variables litters the mind with the garbage of “should have” and “what if”, leaving no room for acknowledging, accepting and enjoying the present. The ego frustrates the present with lamentations over timing issues such as, “we should have met years ago”, “we should have never met”, or “why is this happening now?”

What my friend fails to realize is that her relationship “is” whatever it “is” going to be. In her constant tracking of relationship milestones against the advice provided by books, magazines and friends other than myself, she is missing love in its purest form…in her own here and now. Moving the hands on the relationship clock may create wedding buzz, soothe an insecurity or two, or even demonstrate that you are running the proverbial show, but this fight for the future robs us of the joy of the present. My friend is no longer present in the present; deadlines and demands created a disconnect. Her fears have scattered her sensibilities, directing her beyond her purpose to the perceived and unreliable safety of her imagination.

Time should never be a tool for plotting points on a relationship continuum. Its tendency is to highlight what is lacking, thereby allowing insecurity to set the stage for future manipulation. Neither should it be a weapon for coercion, lending itself to obligations that compel its victim to live a less than authentic life.

Enlightenment obligates our focus to the moment to which we are assigned. It is in the present; in the “right now”; that love resides and has its place of faithful promise. Unrequited, it is neither manipulated by fear or demand nor phased by time. It is purpose, perfected. It is perfect timing.