Monday, December 27, 2010

Thinking about Good Dads

Yesterday, I overheard a woman on her cell phone bragging about the manner in which she disturbed her ex when she arrived at his house to pick up their child from their Christmas Day visit two hours earlier than agreed.  With loud and abrasive laughter, she and her listener celebrated the father’s hurt as well as his inability to stop her from doing her evil deed.

Not once did I hear her mention her daughter, who walked along side her, listening to her mother berate her father; listening to her mother tell the story of how her Christmas with her daddy was cut short.

I was immediately reminded of all of the good dads that I know: Cedric, Bobby, Ernest, Donovan, Ken, Sonny and many others; men who despite years of reasoning, accompanied by child support payments, have been denied access to their kids at one time or another for no other reason than spite.  

Ladies, you’ve got to do better.

You cannot complain that these fathers are not a part their child’s life when you are responsible for their absence. Your children and their fathers deserve better.

There is nothing funny; nothing to celebrate when a child goes without hearing the love and discipline of a dad’s voice; when a child goes without the protection of a father’s presence.

Maybe he doesn’t want you anymore. And maybe you don’t want him.  Maybe you do. If the relationship between you is dead, then accept it, bury it and move on with dignity and in God’s grace, remembering that the relationship between your child and their father still lives and requires you to do your part to keep it alive.

No amount of baiting, anger and parading around the next man will change the past. Move on!

Move on, so you can heal and perhaps find the man you were meant to be with.

Move on, so he can find the woman meant for him.

Move on, so that everyone in your child’s life can invest in them in a meaningful way.

Move on, and make room for the love your child needs in order for them to find and accomplish their purpose in this world.

 Move on, so that the prison of hate and unforgiveness that you have built around you and your child can instead become a sanctuary of peace and hope.  

Move on, so that a prison doesn’t become your child’s father.

Move on, so that your child can be a witness to and a participant in a healthy relationship…sooner rather than later.

Move on!

Until you choose to move on, that laundry list that has become your prayers will remain unanswered; your frustration and anger will continue and your two steps forward will always have a companion called “two steps back”.

While you are laughing at the hurt you have imposed, your child is crying, maybe dying inside. Is the temporary satisfaction that you afford your ego worth destroying your child’s sensibilities? Children are resilient, for certain, but at some point your actions will take their toll; and your history will become their mirror. We should want better for our children. And we do when we are thinking of them rather than ourselves.

To all the good Dads,
Hang in there; and pray for your children and their mothers.