Thursday, January 20, 2011

The Wobble in My Walk

A few days ago, I felt a slight, but noticeable shift in my spiritual direction.  Long story short, I sensed that I was drifting from my center; my thoughts on the past and the future had made a subtle invasion on my focus of the present.  That I was able to quickly recognize this progression and move deliberately to compel my sensibilities into their natural balance is not only a great relief, but also evidence of the measures I have taken to lead a practical life; one that is an authentic reflection of my purpose. Years ago, I would have medicated my wobbling equilibrium. Today, I address the shifts without surrendering to them.

The moment I recognized the need for action, I planned a strategy; I cancelled all of my plans for the following day. Then I turned off every distraction: my phone, my computer, and my television; took a long, hot bath, drank an herbal tea and got a good night’s sleep. The next morning, I made one of several pots of coffee, took my brand new journal with my favorite pen (I only write in blue ink), and began writing down all the things for which I am grateful. It only took three entries for my universe to change:

"I am grateful for the true love that has yet to arrive";
"I am grateful for the love of my family"; and
"I am grateful for my intellect and creative abilities".

I continued writing for a few more minutes. When I was satisfied that my soul had in fact begun to rest, I used a fresh page of my notebook to write down a few of my immediate needs and desires, after which I spent some time meditating on them; visualizing my thoughts and actions as if they had already materialized. I spent a few more minutes noting the additional ideas that emerged from my time with my thoughts.

I then turned to what I consider the greatest spiritual reference of all time: “The Power of Now”, by Eckhart Tolle. At once, I was reminded of why I was “wobbling” and how I could immediately regain my spiritual poise.

Besides losing focus on the present moment, I had allowed my ego to dictate my thoughts and my actions. My ego had manipulated its way into a position of power, and wanted undeserved and unhealthy attention. To return it to its proper place, I asked myself a simple question:

“What is the problem, “right now”?

 I was reminded that in the “right now”, I have no problems. The ego despises the “right now”. For in the “right now”, the ego has no right of protest. It cannot remind you of who didn’t meet your expectations, or who hurt you. In the “right now”, mistakes cannot not haunt or debilitate you.  In the “right now”, the ego is powerless to hold you down under the weight of your sadness or grief.

Having returned my ego its proper place, having relaxed in the gift of the “right now”, I am at peace once again. The past, whether ten minutes or ten years ago, has lost its influence; the future, no matter how beautifully I have imagined it, has abandoned its hold. Once again, I have surrendered and accepted the joy, the peace and the love of the present moment…the “right now”.